Life at the Groce(ry)

So, I’m trying to let go of the anger that has been welling up within me this evening after stewing about the hospital ridiculousness.  Now Chloe has a fever of 101.4 and a sore throat so now I don’t even know if she could come if they would let her. I am so tired of the attacks and one thing after another going “wrong.”  Please pray for a quick recovery for her and that none of the rest of us catch whatever she’s carrying.

Here’s what I just finished reading.  I hope to have a peaceful night’s sleep tonight.

From Matthew chapter 6:

²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Not worrying is getting harder for me every day but tonight I’m going to try to let it go.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  For all of us who have lost a child, grandchild, niece, nephew or cousin (or have a friend who lost a child) today is a day of remembrance.  Say their names, look at their pictures remember.  No matter how long they were here they were wanted and loved and lived.  At 7pm people around the world will light a candle for those little ones lost.  I will be one of those and I will remember.

3 Groce peanuts and Felix David Groce, Baby and Melody Grace Jenkins, Abigail Brenner, Baby (Covey) Scott, and Baby Scheck.  I am also thinking of all of those whose blogs I’ve come across and remember your children today, too.  (If I’m forgetting some, I’m sorry!  I do have the prego brain right now.)

This is a post from another blog that I have started following.  Michele has lost several children and is now navigating the NICU with her new twins.  The theme of this post is things that parents do and do NOT want to hear from their family and friends after loss.  Thought it may be a good reminder.

I had my last OB appointment before delivery on Tuesday.  I also had an ultrasound done to check Gabe’s position.  He is breech – like he’s been all along.  He has a beautiful ear and chubby cheeks and LOTS of hair.  He wouldn’t let us see his face straight on – he has both ears, don’t worry.
 
So here is where we stand now… my OB has spoken with 2 MFM specialists – one of whom (believe it or not) has delivered a baby with LBWC.  Now, this baby was not full term but at least he had some experience with it.  After talking with them and going over positioning, etc. she has decided that I will need to have a vertical incision.  She will start with a low vertical incision and only convert to a complete classical incision if it’s absolutely necessary.  She needs to get Gabe out with the placenta intact so if she can’t reach it with the small incision we’ll just have to move to the large one to get him out safely.  She said the neonatologist may be able to then cut and clamp the cord to separate him from the placenta.  She and one of the MFMs feel like there could be enough cord outside of the defect to be able to do that.  The hospice RN has taken care of all of her details so it looks like – staging-wise – we’re all set. [Read more…]

I’m not sure if I’ll get to post at all this weekend after this.  We have a LOT of cleaning up to do around the house.  (I must be nesting because I really want to scrub the inside of the microwave.  Swollen legs and feet are keeping me from it.)  I really didn’t want it to come down to the last minute but, nevertheless, it always does.

Dylan keeps asking every day if “tomorrow” is Gabe’s birthday.  I think it’s mostly because he wants to give him the present he picked out.  Ezra asked me today if I was going to the hospital.  (nope, just to work near a hospital)  Then my darling Chloe says “No, his birthday is not until the 19th!”  I think they are getting anxious.  They are so cute though because now when they tell me goodbye in the morning they also “hug” Gabe and tell him goodbye.  I am so glad that they have had the chance to get to know their brother and develop (some sort of) a relationship with him – just in case this is all they get.  All three of them love to feel him moving in my belly.  Most of the time they tell me he kicked them in the face.  (Because, if you have or have had or have even been around small children, you know that personal space does not exist and they have to talk to him with their mouths ON my belly!)

So as we near the last of our preparations for the birth of our son, please continue to pray.  For healing of course but also for peace.  I am starting to get nervous about this delivery and what could happen to me.  (excessive bleeding=transfusion, infection from the placenta not being completely removed, and all sorts of other fun “what ifs”)  I had been telling Brian that he was going to have to worry about me because I was focusing on Gabe.  Now I think I am worried about me.

Ooh, just as an aside… we get to have an ultrasound when we go for my last appointment this coming Tuesday.  Better still… the tech should be able to pull video from our other ultrasounds and put those on our disk, too.  YAY!!

We took the kids out last night to get presents for Gabriel.  It was fun.  Dylan knew exactly what he wanted and grabbed it immediately.  Chloe had a little tougher time deciding.  Ezra was a little distracted but did end up choosing something.  They all got him a stuffed animal and we were able to get duplicates so the kids can keep them.  And Brian found a blanket for him that they had 2 of so that was good, too.  (For those of you who don’t know a blanket has been my husband’s gift to all of our children.  The selection process is very serious – not just any blanket is good enough for our babies!)

We also were able to find the size we needed for Gabriel’s going home outfit.  (and there were 2 of them!)  It is so snuggly and I’m so happy we didn’t have to go all over creation to get all of the pieces in the right size.

GOD SIGHTING:  At one of our stops the cashier asked if we were having twins (since we had 2 of everything) and I said no.  That obviously seemed strange so, for whatever reason, I explained the situation to her.  She told me not to believe what the doctor says.  Her daughter was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 and is now 2 years old.  She said that God would heal our baby and she told Dylan to bring his baby brother back to see her after he’s born.  I left encouraged.  I don’t believe that conversation was a fluke and I’m glad I chose to be open about our struggle and our choice to carry him to term.  You never know who you might be talking to or who God will choose to use.

I had a lovely evening with the fam tonight.  Hubs built a fire in our new fire bowl and we roasted marshmallows to make smores.  The kids and I were snuggled under a blanket to keep warm.  We had so much fun.  Dylan said “I love camping with a fire in our backyard!”  Chloe liked snuggling under the blanket.  Ezra was happy to get to eat chocolate.  Gabe got really excited after I ate the smores.  There were lots of stars out and lots of giggling.  Now they’re all conked out at their “camp out” on the living room floor.

I am so thankful that we were able to have a normal fall evening together.  Hubs and I have been busy getting things prepared for our stay at the hospital and for our meeting at the funeral home this coming Tuesday.  It’s been an emotional week so it was nice to be able to just sit down and enjoy our little family.  I pray that this evening never leaves my memory.