no such luck

I got the call from my OB this afternoon.  The people at St. Vincent will not budge on the H1N1 visitor restriction.  She tried and tried but no such luck.  This means that some panel has decided that my children will not be allowed to meet their baby brother.  I am more than upset.  I can’t really find a word appropriate enough to describe it.

I plan to address this on Monday morning when we arrive.  If they really are about “the spirit of caring” they should care about this.  We have included the kids in this journey with us and I do not intend to let some random hospital committee tell us that they will not get to be there for the end.  I want one of these committee members to come and look us in the eye and tell us themselves.  I want to know if any of them has been through a loss like this – twice.  I don’t think they fully understand what they are telling us and other families on the verge of loss.  It is making this situation even worse and adding to the emotional baggage that I will have to tote and sort through for years to come.  And making it harder for the kids, too.  (By they way, Clarian has decided to make exceptions for patients who they know are dying.)

Please pray that these people will have a change of heart before Monday so that I don’t even have to bring it up.


  1. Praying!!! (And also praying that it won’t matter anyway, because you’ll get to bring Gabe home to them.) I can’t imagine that any self-respecting nurse (especially a HOSPICE nurse) wouldn’t get them in one way or another. Can you stack all 3 of them on top of each other in one of those big gowns so they look tall?

  2. Amanda, you don’t know me – I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago while semi-randomly searching for information on limb-body wall complex. I’ve been hoping for the best for your family and waiting anxiously for the miracle you seek. 🙂

    I’m not exactly sure of the circumstances surrounding Gabriel’s chosen birthday, but what about telling the doctors you won’t deliver until your children can be present, if delaying is possible? You could go so far as to threaten a homebirth, if you’re up for a real argument. 🙂 (For the record, I *had* a homebirth with my daughter, but definitely understand the desire to be around the best modern medical care possible in your situation.)

    My mom came down with C.Diff after being hospitalized last year, and I caught the flu at the hospital after I went there to pre-register in case of an emergency transfer, so I find it particularly amusing when hospitals enact broad policies like this under the premise the outside world is “dirtier” than the “sterile” hospital. *rolls eyes*

    Another idea: Would it be possible to have your children tested for H1N1 to assuage their fears? I’m not sure how long the test takes or how long it would be accurate for, but just trying to come up with something to help.

    Please feel free to contact me if there is any way I can help you – I know that’s strange from a stranger, but I mean it. You should also check out the forums at – there are tons of intelligent, supportive women and birth professionals there who might be able to help you out. (There are Pregnancy & Birth Loss forums as well.)

    Good luck. Your family will continue to be in my thoughts.

  3. I say ask forgiveness later and just bring the kids in anyway. All they can do is ask them to leave and, really, I would find it so hard to tell them to go once they were there. But for sure, bring it up and make a stink. Time is so precious, but doubly so right now.

    I agree with the first commenter. I’m hoping this prayer is unneeded because my first prayer is answered and Gabe is born perfectly healthy and able to come home with you.

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