what have i done?

Some days I sit back and think… “What have I done?”

When I ask this it’s in the context of my loss. Have I done anything of value through my experience? Have I made a difference? Am I different?

Well, of course I am different. Gone are my carefree, nothing can touch me, naive days. But have I allowed my loss to change me for the better? Some days I’m not so sure… and I’m probably being too hard on myself in those moments. I want to be a better mother because of my loss. I want to be sure I am taking advantage of every millisecond of time I have with these precious little people. I don’t want to be angry or critical or “no fun” to be around. Again, I’m sure I see myself through a much tougher lens than anyone else does.

I’m not sure this post has a point. Just getting some of my thoughts out. I hope to be better. To be changed for the better. I can’t have gone through all of this for “nothing.”

time to break the silence

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Tomorrow night is the global premier of Return To Zero! Please join us in BREAKING THE SILENCE on stillbirth, pregnancy loss and neonatal/infant loss.

This has been a 3-year labor of love for writer, producer, director Sean Hanish. He has gathered local leaders (like me!) from every state and province in North America, in every county in the UK, every city in Australia, in every country in Europe and Asia to help spread the word and give it the support and attention it deserves!

Stillbirth and infant loss awareness is very dear to my heart and I would love to hear from you. Your stories, your thoughts on the movie, whatever you are open to sharing.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me and all parents and families out there who’ve been affected by loss.

 

An Evening for Ella and Friends – April 22nd, 7pm, Indianapolis, IN

If you are in the Indianapolis area please consider joining us for a luminaria on the steps of the Indiana War Memorial this Friday, April 22nd at 7pm. Event created and hosted by Ella’s mommy, Mel McMahon, in loving memory of Ella and all of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and infant loss.