Some days I sit back and think… “What have I done?”

When I ask this it’s in the context of my loss. Have I done anything of value through my experience? Have I made a difference? Am I different?

Well, of course I am different. Gone are my carefree, nothing can touch me, naive days. But have I allowed my loss to change me for the better? Some days I’m not so sure… and I’m probably being too hard on myself in those moments. I want to be a better mother because of my loss. I want to be sure I am taking advantage of every millisecond of time I have with these precious little people. I don’t want to be angry or critical or “no fun” to be around. Again, I’m sure I see myself through a much tougher lens than anyone else does.

I’m not sure this post has a point. Just getting some of my thoughts out. I hope to be better. To be changed for the better. I can’t have gone through all of this for “nothing.”