capture your grief – day 6

Day 6: What NOT to say!

I almost can’t believe some of this but all these statements have been made to me at some point over the last 4 1/2 years. One of the most hurtful is comparing my son’s death to that of a dog. So wrong I can’t even express it.

The other is about loving her baby. This person doesn’t know I know about that comment. I had the same due date as another girl and declined going to her baby shower. I had learned my lesson after going to a baby shower on Mother’s Day weekend only 4-5 weeks after Felix’s death. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die that day so I thought I’d save myself that anguish this time around. Unfortunately it provoked the comment that I would learn to love her baby. Like somehow I was punishing this other baby for living, or something. I don’t know. What I do know is that it hurt and made me very angry.

I find that even the most loving people can say some of the most ignorant and hurtful things during times like this. Mostly it is because they feel the need to say something and the situation is just so unnatural that they don’t really know what to say and end up doing more harm than good. Then some people just don’t think.

I could come up with a longer list but I thought this was good enough. This was a good theme today. Pass it on!

And if I have ever said something hurtful to you I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

What have people said to you in times of grief that they shouldn’t have?

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