tired, hormonal and emotionally drained

Hello again. I’ve missed my blog. I wonder if you’ve missed it, too.

I’m not exactly sure why I seem to have avoided it for so long. Some of it has to due with our new arrival (coming Friday!) but I don’t think that’s the entire reason why.

I have cried daily for about the past 5 days. I think it’s because I’m tired, hormonal and emotionally drained. I have been dealing with SO many emotions over the last 2 weeks.

Excited: I’m so ready and excited to meet my new baby girl. Sweet Hallelujah!

Sad: We’ve decided Halle will be our last baby. The road of building our family has been bumpy, to put it mildly, and we’re ready for a happy exit. Plus, we’re not gettin’ any younger.

Worried: Another surgery, another delivery and another chance for something to go wrong. I can’t help thinking it. I don’t know how my body will handle a 3rd c-section and I pray that our sweet girl will come out safe and sound and absolutely perfectly healthy.

I’m also worried about how I’m going to react. I know I’ll be happy and so in love. But I’m afraid that all I’m going to do is think of how I missed all of this with Felix and Gabriel. I just hope that I don’t get so wrapped up in those thoughts that I end up missing out on the joy of getting to experience it with her.

So the struggle continues. It’s just a whole new set of struggles. And I suppose this is just life. And a new one will begin on Friday.


  1. hi, i just came across your blog and am sat here in tears. I feel your pain. I had a Little boy called Harry, on January 15th 2011 @23:51 pm, he was diagnosed with a body stalk anomoly at my 12 week scan,( Liver, Bowel and Kidney)His spine was in a “s” shape, i was told then that i was lucky to still be pregnant, but sadly when i reached 17 weeks his heart stopped beating, and i gave birth to him naturally.

    Regardless of what he had wrong with his tummy he was still our little boy! We buried Harry at a local church, the coffin was beautiful and we said a prayer and poem. The whole ordeal of going through a birth and seeing a tiny baby so sweet and innocent and having nothing to take home, tor my husband amd i apart. we ended up having to take a break for 4 weeks to get our selves on a level ground……..

    well a year on and i have just given birth to the most beautiful little girl Aaliyah Ella-Louise. Ill be honest, my daughters pregnancy was the worst ever,i couldnt stop panicking that something was wrong with her and that i wouldnt be bringing her home after.

    There isnt a day that goes by, when i dont think about Harry.

    Thank you for letting me talk on your blog. I wish you all the best for your new arrival, and i hope that your two boys will find my Harry xxxx

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