After my post about yesterday I decided to write about how I am living today.

Today I make sure to talk about my sons. With my children, with my husband, with our families, with my coworkers, and sometimes with strangers. I am getting less and less shy about it. I feel like that is a good thing. Felix and Gabriel are my children and deserve to be shared with everyone. They were beautiful and strong and wanted. They are loved.

Today I am more honest about my feelings than I had been. I don’t always share exactly what I feel (and I don’t have to) but when it is appropriate, I do try to share. It isn’t easy to live each day as a mother who has lost some of her children. (I really need to think of a name for us. We’re not orphans, not widows, who are we??) But somehow God gives me the strength to get up and face each new day.

Today, even in the midst of such pain and wonder and sometimes still some anger, I live with hope. Hope that they did not die for nothing. Hope that God will use this for something. Hope that our other children will share their brothers with others. (actually Chloe already is) Hope that we will be reunited one day.

Today I am learning how to live a new and different life.


  1. I’m happy for you. 🙂

  2. I still talk about Susie and my memories of her and of course Michael…along with Gabe and Felix there are a big part of our lives…they lived..all of them..just not as long as we wanted. For the longest time I worried about Susie being up in heaven alone..even though Grandpa Eppert was there and of course Bruce..but as a child I worried. So maybe Chloe, Dylan and Ezra won’t worry like we did because Gabe and Felix have so many with them and of course they have each other…just not where we want them…love you. Bippy

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