Well, here I am.  One month away from Gabriel’s 1st birthday.

Things are starting to swell.  I noticed today that the tears are coming more easily again.  Co-workers whose babies were born just before Gabriel are talking of first steps and first birthday parties.  They’re talking of fun toys and frosting messes.

I’m thinking about whether or not to picnic at the cemetery.

This is one of those really hard times.  I want to be (and am) excited for them and their children.  I want to see the funny pictures and hear about the parties.  It just hurts right now.

I am currently scheduled to be off work 4 out of 5 days the week of Gabe’s birthday.  I fear, however, that I may be needed those days to circumstances beyond my control.  (I hate being the “boss.”  But you knew that.)  I am going to fight hard, though, if there is talk of needing me there.  I really need those days off.  I need to be gone from there.  I need to be with my family.  I won’t be worth anything anyway, plain and simple.  These circumstances were beyond my control.

So, there’s the short update.  Less than 30 days from now I will replay the events of Gabriel’s birthday as I have many times before.  But this time will be the day.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

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