in other news
Today we got the artwork we commissioned for the boys’ headstone. (ooh, did I sound like royalty just now?) This has been a long time coming and now we can finally schedule an appointment to order the stone and get it installed. (or placed – I don’t know the lingo) Maybe this will help a little with the (earthly) finality of it all. Maybe not. At least soon we’ll have a place to leave flowers and drawings from the kids. I thought about posting the picture but I think I’ll wait until it’s carved in stone. hee hee (Hey, I have to laugh about something or I’ll go insane.)
In other news, I am having another rough week so any prayers you can spare would be appreciated. I am trying so hard to be loving toward everyone I come in contact with but it is REALLY hard. By the time I left work tonight I had just had it. I mean “up to here” had it. Like Mrs. Spit said – some days I wonder why some people get to have children when they have no apparent desire to care for them. (I also wonder why I thought it was a good idea to go to a meeting across the hall from a NICU earlier today thus expending all energy I had to “keep it together, man.”)
So many of my coworkers tell me they can’t believe how strong I am and how they would never be able to keep their cool in some of the situations I have been faced with since my return. Well, while it may appear that I am long-suffering on the outside – the words in my mind sometimes tell a different story. And I don’t want it to be that way. I want to be real about it but in a loving way. Am I making any sense? I want my attitude to come in line with my heart – inside and out. It is so easy for me to start complaining about people and I shouldn’t. I need to love them because that is what God told me to do.
Well, I think that’s enough for tonight. I have to set a blog curfew for myself because while what I’m writing makes sense to me now, it might not in the morning.
That’s it, no blogging after 11.
January 28th, 2010 at 12:32 am
Sending hugs. I don’t have any good answers, I keep coming back to the words of Job, I know my redeemer lives.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:04 am
It makes perfect sense to me.
Thanks.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:24 am
Sending hugs and loving thoughts. I wish I had an answer to that question. Why indeed.
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:06 am
Mimi gives you strength….that’s all I know…love you,,,,Bip
February 7th, 2010 at 7:20 am
Amanda,
I stumbled upon your blog while searching for information on NILMDTS (I am a nurse and my hospital has recently started offering their services). Your continuing journey through the loss of your sons brought me to tears and gave me a renewed sense of faith. For how could have you survived such heartbreak without holding on to our Lord? I don’t think I have ever heard a mother’s love expressed as eloquently or honestly as you have done through this blog. As a mother of three (ages 6,4, and 1 1/2), my heart aches for your loss, but is filled with hope and joy as I see your beautiful family. I will keep Felix and Gabriel’s family in my thoughts and prayers.
Melissa Kludt
mbkludt@hotmail.com