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Friday, May 30th, 2008

As I was putting Chloe to bed last night she started to get a little upset. I asked what was wrong and she said “I just really miss Felix.” I told her that I did too and that it was okay to be sad. And it’s okay to cry. She asked again if we would all see Felix in Heaven someday and I said yes. Then she asked if we would all die at the same time. I told her probably not but that we never know when it will happen – just like with Felix. She then asked “But you told me that day you were wearing the red shirt and a ponytail. How did you know?” That blew me away. I could not believe (even though it’s only been 2 months – a long time for a preschooler) that she remembered what I looked like when we told her that her brother had died. Then she asked if he was in the white box we sat next to on the green carpet (describing his funeral). She seemed so disconnected from what was happening that day that I didn’t think she would remember it. She continues to amaze me. We talked about her questions and I told her that anytime she wanted to talk, her Daddy and I would be there.

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About Me

Gabriel Elliott Groce

I am a wife, a mother, a woman of God. I have 3 living children and 2 in Heaven. I am writing of the loss of my youngest sons: Felix David who died April 2, 2008 (no known cause) at 24w 3d and was born still on April 4, 2008 and Gabriel Elliott who was born on October 19, 2009, lived for 32 minutes and died peacefully in his daddy's arms. (Gabe was diagnosed with limb-body wall complex - a rare and fatal birth defect - at 19w 6d and we chose to carry him to term.)

I may be upbeat at times, down or silent at others. I hope that by writing about my experiences I can help people understand my grief and maybe help them through theirs.

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