Well, I did it. I survived my first week back at work. One of my staff called in the last 2 days this week so I was thrust back into coverage. I think I did just fine.
It really went much more smoothly than when I returned after Felix died. I really think the extra 4 weeks, and knowing what Gabriel’s outcome would likely be, made the difference. People were very glad to see me and were genuinely concerned about how I was doing. I am so thankful for the group of people I work with!
Friday morning I was chuggin’ right along, getting ready for work, wearing my Colts blue and overall just glad it was the last day of the week. Then it happened – grief snuck up in the unlikeliest thing… my hair. I know, crazy, right? Well, I was getting ready to leave the bathroom when I noticed a hair on the counter. When I went to pick it up I noticed it was in the shape of a “g” and I burst into tears. The first split second made me smile and say hi to him in my head. Then the hurt crept back in and I let it come. I remembered (like I ever forget) how much I miss him. I just wanted to be able to go into the boys’ room and pick him up and hold him and kiss him. But I can’t and never will again as long as I’m on this earth.
As the day progressed I started to feel better. But this was yet another lesson in grief. I don’t know when or where or how the sadness will come, but it will. And sometimes it’s okay to let it come. I will have to stay on my toes and be sure that I don’t let it consume or overtake me. I will lean on my Savior and ask him for comfort and peace in those times.
My MIL says that, when she is most grief filled, it is because she believes her son and grandchildren are closest to her and, feeling them, causes such an overflow of emotion. Hoping your boys are close and you can feel their love always.
Grief always is like that for me – it will come from seemingly nowhere at all.
I’m so glad you survived your first week. The first week back was by far the hardest. In fact, after about 2 weeks I was glad to be back, because it was the only thing that could give me structure and help me feel in control of my life again.