goodnight, my dear

Well, we made it.  We’re still standing.  Today we buried our Gabriel.

The weather was absolutely perfect.  (70 degrees and clear blue skies – I still love October)  So many people came that I lost count.  God was most definitely in that place.  The service was so beautiful and I don’t think the set-up scared anyone.  I was actually able to speak and to pray.  I sang (quietly) but only along with the songs that we played.  We had some scripture read and Brian’s dad said a few words at the end.  Then everyone made their last pass to say goodbye.

We tucked him in, along with the stuffed animals and the picture that Chloe drew, and closed the casket ourselves.  Then my husband and my brother carried him out to me and put him on my lap for the ride to the cemetery.  (which was about 200 yards away)  At the graveside we played 2 songs by Andrew Peterson (our favorite): After the Last Tear Falls and More.  In between the songs I read Psalm 23.  It was just precious.

Afterward we went to a nearby church for food and fellowship.  It was nice to have everyone sit down to a meal together.  When that was over we had my in-laws take the kids back home so we could go back by the cemetery to take the last of our pictures.  We have documented EVERYTHING with pictures.  Our funeral director was even so kind as to take pictures of us while we were busy with Gabe.

Though I really wanted a nap after we got home (we were up until 2:30 am this morning and got up around 7 am, not the best idea) the kids were not cooperating.  I am really ready for some hard sleep tonight.

As I sit here and reflect on the day I am so thankful for the time we were given with Gabriel and the opportunity we were given to say goodbye the way we wanted to (considering).  I have just been surrounded and filled with the peace of God.  Don’t get me wrong – I have had some emotional outbursts and weeping episodes.  But overall there has been a deep and lasting peace, and dare I say joy, in the midst of this.  Losing Felix was like getting hit by a truck.  This time was much different.

I feel like I’m rambling now and maybe later I will have some clearer thoughts.  I’d like to finish off with the lyrics to one of the songs we played today.  This one is just for you, my darling boy.  I love you, Gabriel Elliott.  Sweet dreams, baby.

May the Lord Bless and Keep You

Goodnight, my dear, go to sleep;
til you’re floating like a ship across the sea;
go to sleep.

May the Lord bless and keep you;
the Lord shine his face upon you, child, and give you grace.
May the Lord turn His face toward you, love, and give you peace.

Goodnight my dear, be at ease;
till you’re floating like the sunlight through the trees;
be at ease.

May the Lord bless and keep you;
the Lord shine his face upon you, child, and give you grace.
May the Lord turn His face toward you, love, and give you peace.

So lay down, breathe deep.

May the Lord bless and keep you;
the Lord shine his face upon you, child, and give you grace
May He turn His face toward you, my little boy, and give you peace.

-Andrew Peterson