Wow. What a 10 days it has been. My lovely girl is here. She is safe, healthy and beautiful. She’s slept for 6-7 hours 4 nights out of her 10. I am so in love.
Her delivery was… interesting. I mean, it went well… except for her being breech and then my scar from Gabriel’s delivery burst open all on it’s own. My OB said it was a good thing it happened in there and not outside of the OR. She also said that proves we made the right decision to be done with baby bearing. My body just can’t take anymore.
I suppose my scar opening up is pretty symbolic. I’ve had a few nights where, when I’m looking at my sweetie sleeping, I think of Felix and Gabe and all the hurt just stabs me. I really, really miss them. No more than before – it’s just fresh again. All the feelings and longings just burst forth like it all happened yesterday. I can see them in her face. I can remember their smell and their touch. And it hurts. A lot. Just like my scar.
But then something wonderful happens… my heart swells with thankfulness for my precious Hallelujah. For another chance to love a little person and raise her in our family. For the privilege of seeing her along on her own journey and watching God’s plan for her unfold. She has “old” eyes. I believe she’s seen things that she will know deep in her heart but not be able to put into words. She’s going to be (as her Daddy likes to say) “a big deal.”
So that’s been our first 10 days together. My sweet, precious, beautiful Hallelujah has begun to help heal and complete our family. It’s still going to be a long road but we’ll walk it together.
