I also often wonder if Madelyn will be a baby in heaven. In many ways I want her to be, because I want to hold her as a baby again. But I also can’t imagine that anyone is helpless in heaven. But as you say, that’s a topic for another day.

Anyway, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

It’s not a failure, you are not walking away from the love of God because you are in this place. This is the valley of the shadow of death, this is the place that David cried out from. These places are the places in our lives when good and evil are very close together, and when we are tired, weary, and it’s late at night, it can be easier to listen to Satan’s lies than God’s promise of hope.

This is a particularly hard part of year to be grieving a lost child, a time when everything is about children. It always seemed it would be easier if Gabe had died during Easter.

Sending you peace and comfort. Praying for God’s staff to be close to you.