I began reading The Good Grief Club by Monica Novak a few days ago. 10 chapters in it’s like reading my story. (except the part where she has a support group and friends who’ve dealt with the same type of loss) SO GOOD. I’m going to ask hubby to read it when I’m done.
Archives for October 2008
Oct 14, 2008
pail day
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Tomorrow, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I wanted to get a ribbon pin to wear but I couldn’t seem to get a website that worked well enough to order one. So again I will (most likely) walk around silent tomorrow. What can I say, anyway? “Today is PAIL Day. Don’t forget, my baby died.” No need to make people uncomfortable. Although I live with that knowledge every minute and it’s not comfortable for me, either. Maybe as I get farther into this I’ll figure out how to be an activist.
Oct 3, 2008
6 months ago
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6 months ago today my life changed forever. 6 months ago tomorrow I did the second hardest thing I’ve ever done. 6 months from next week I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It isn’t any easier. I don’t feel any better. I am still angry, hurt, confused and tired. The nightmares have stopped at least. I am still asking why. I still look at his pictures. I still weep. I still ache. I still don’t understand.
Still, still, still, still… I still wish we could have kept him.
I love you, Felix.
Oct 3, 2008
the silence of God
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It’s enough to drive a man crazy; it’ll break a man’s faith
It’s enough to make him wonder if he’s ever been sane
When he’s bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven’s only answer is the silence of God
It’ll shake a man’s timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God
And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they’ve got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
‘Cause we all get lost sometimes…
There’s a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He’s kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He’s weeping all alone
And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God
-Andrew Peterson
